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mystar1959
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Name: Ron
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Metro: Holland
Birthday: 8/3/1959
Gender: Male
Interests: My favorite things fall into odd catagories. I love being a my wife's love. I love being a dad. I love being a friend. I'm an avid SCUB diver. Diving with my sons is my passion. I read Terry Goodkind & Ayn Rand insessently. I am an Objectivist, a non-conformist and I say "dude". It's a ritual, kinda like a jeep thing.. you wouldn't understand.
I get up in the middle of the night and take walks to think. Watching life is the rush! Being there for someone who needs you is a reward that has no end.
Lacrosse, dude, what a game. this sport has to be the greatest sport ever. My only regret in life was not playing this sport.
Expertise: Being a friend, Psycho-Epistemology, Philosophic consciousness, SCUBA Diving, Investing, Sales, Relaxing... I'm just damn good at relaxing!
Occupation: Consulting
Industry: Business
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  mystar1959
Yahoo:  mystar1959
Member Since:
11/16/2004
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| I was just remembering,... I really only facebook anymore... S'weird how we move on to other things... | | |
| Remembering Tabitha....7 years ago today.... Someone said "it will get better with time"... it is a sad misunderstanding that people who say that just do not know or understand.
Loosing a friend, parent, brother, isn't the same as loosing your child. Loosing a baby as traumatic as that is, and not to diminish anyone’s lose, but i cannot fathom anything more painful than to loosing your child. She was a young lady, an adult for all intense and purposes, but as she was always so fond of telling me, "daddy I'll ALWAYS be your little girl....oh, and have you wrapped around my pinky too!".
Watching her grow, I always wanted more. I loved seeing her in her element, she made everything in her world happy. Even when she was sad, she would find the silver lining.
Just two months shy of turning 18 she left us...suddenly....unexpectedly....and we never got to say a last goodbye, tell her one more time...."sweetness we love you so much".... She died of complication due to Lupis, with a condition we only found out after, an undiagnosed condition called "cardio pulmonary hypertension". Although the Specialist treating her knew, even knew her organs were enlarged, but didn't bother to tell us, didn't bother to do more test, he even said "I could have done more test, I didn't want to spent the money".... We had insurance, we didn't care the cost....he was too arrogant to care. Two weeks before she took her last breath, she was having so many pains, so much trouble, we called to get her in to see him....he refused to see her, telling her to keep her February appointment... He thought she was a whiner..... He has shown no remorse or care....
A second, moment, hour, day goes by that she is not in every single thought in my life. I cannot begin to explain how much I miss her...we....miss her....
This is something I wrote at 4 o'clock in the morning a few days ago...while laying a wake unable to sleep....thinking about this day.... I placed it as a memorial with this picture from one of her modeling shoots.
As always I've said and beg you.... I do not want your sympathy, I do not want to her how sorry you are, I know my friends are sorry that this awful thing has happened, I know the depth of sorry and pain my friends feel for us and I know how truly caring you guys are. My enemies who would revel in my pain, I could care less about, BUT I am not placing this here for sympathy...rather for a celebration of the wonder that was Tabitha Rae "lollipop" Wilson.
Please look at her pictures and smile.
Ron
"She came into this world,
I held her ever so gently, fearing it only a dream, my heart had never been so full, that God would bless me so, such a wonder I had never seen.
She came into this world,
I held her ever so gently, my lil princess, her hugs were oh so tight, my little Rae of Sunshine, she said, “daddy you always make things alright”.
She came into this world,
I held her ever so gently, my life would forever be changed, my heart belonged to her, “yes Sweetness, daddy is your slave”.
She came into this world,
I held her ever so gently, so I could tuck her in all snug, then daddy slew the mean ole monsters under her bed just “for one more hug”.
She came into this world,
I held her ever so gently , gazing down into those sparkling eyes, she spread so much joy and laughter, her world always was always full of wonder, always so alive.
She came into this world,
I held her ever so gently, so I could watch her grow, an angel sent by God, I taught her right from wrong, I taught her all I know.
She came into this world,
I held her ever so gently, to seed each day with delight, I marveled at how one lil girl could make this world so bright.
She came into this world,
I held her ever so gently, to make me a better man, a husband, a son, a father and brother…I never knew just what I had.
She left this world, I held her ever so gently…."
-Ron Wilson
Dearest Sweetness,
Not a second goes by that you are not a part of my thoughts. I miss you.
It’s been seven lonely years, I cannot help my tears each morning when I wake up and you are not here.
From time to time I sense you are near, I close my eyes and see your smile, still hear your laughter, and know your are wiping away my fears.
You are so dearly missed, I’ll see you in heaven.
Dad | | |
| It's snowing and I am not looking forward to it! | | |
| dude, Seriously when the FedEx man handed me the box and I looked at the return addy on... I shiver ran up my spin......lol....and I let slip a groan with an "oh no".... the guy asked "everything ok"? I guess I looked like I was shocked and apprehensive... Any way I did not open the box all day... Terry called and asked, "well, I was just calling to see if you needed to be sedated yet"... I told Terry I was actually wrestling with myself to open it. On one hand I want to know...BUT it seemed the over powering emotion was that, IF I opened it, and read it... it would then be......over..... I feared what lay within the pages, I feared for what I might read and once I've read a part I feared may happen, .....Well you get the gist... While I knew my hopes and fears were well within safe boundaries with Terry....I still had enough cause for pause... I mean... I know how Goodkind's mind works.... He loves to tease and twist the knife...AND he has a very devious mind... So I was very apprehensive indeed. Opening that box was like committing to the inevitable final battle...there would be no turning back. EVERYTHING would be different from that point on...nothing would ever again remain the same. While I have my belief with 99% certainty of what would and would not happen...opening that damn box would either validate my fears or rip a gaping hole within my soul... It was late late the next day that I actually opened that box... I could not share it with any; save my wife....I never ever keep anything from her ever!!! nor do I ever leave her out of anything "in" my life... She was a dear comfort indeed as she laughed like crazy at me....:tongue: But I did open it...I did read...Terry had already read the first several chapters to me months ago, but re-reading them was like savoring a fine wine... It felt right... I felt as if I was in the midst of old friends, friends who I knew would do their best never to let me down, and if they did, it would not be with out a valiant fight. Somehow I knew that were my fears to be realized that it would only happen in order that others may survive or would happen in order for others to have a chance at life... And the rest as they say...is history.... Well... as I'm sure Terry will confirm... I did call him several times to call him vile and forbidden names....(I'm NOT kidding either). And we talked and talked about pages I had to re-read in order to wrap my mind around them... I truly understand apprehension...Now I am looking toward a future that is calling my name.... asking me to stand up and be… So here is my review... After reading an advanced proof, I can say Goodkind saves the absolute best for last! The book (while not spoiling any of it), a masterful work of spellbinding proportions brings to conclusion The Sword of Truth series…as we know it! It is 100% cover to cover, a non-stop action packed thrill ride. After the first 100 pages I felt like I'd been on the receiving end of the initial kick off of the Super Bowl and both sides decided to tackled me for good measure. My body ached from head to toe. But Goodkind wasn’t even remotely beginning to get his story underway. Each and every page contains action, intrigue, hidden truths, answers and revelations that will cause you to go back to what you thought you knew, but were mistaken! Goodkind has truly mastered his craft providing a rich and colorfully engrossing story to a hungry reader. With most of Goodkind readers being of or from mainstream fiction, Goodkind again proves his ability to transcend Genres, as he reaches out to the dying fantasy genera, offering a declining world of sci-fi/fantasy readership a chance to catch a glimpse into real story telling. This book will make you smile, cause you to stand up and cheer, jump in anxious anticipation fearing to turn the next page…fearing what you will find… and this book will cause you to weep as well. Goodkind has cast a Wizards Web, seamless and irresistibly drawing you ever deeper into his world. I could not put this book down. My mind would not allow me to sleep or rest, as this story would not be denied. Goodkind’s masterful talents have surpassed the bounds of reality. As you read this story your mind will see, smell, hear and even taste the world in which Richard and Kahlan exist. You will feel each and every tremor of impact. You will have to go back and re-read several pages as your mind tries to wrap itself around the words, desperately trying to keep up with who’s doing what and where! No more waiting! No more wondering! No more will we say "I wonder" as Goodkind draws you to the inexorable truth and finality. This is more than just a book, more than a story...this book will fever awaken the passion, the desire and finally the master you always knew you could be. | | |
| As I've said in past posts, I'm sharing this, not for sympathy or heart wrenching emotion, but rather as a way to share my life, my thoughts and my
belief that through others we learn to be better individuals, we learn to enhance our lives through others experiences. I do not want expressions of sadness, I do not want tears, I do want smiles and perhaps the feeling that others will cling to and hold dear their own children...even if only an iota more than they already think they are capable of doing.
Personal Journal, September 21 2007
Rusty is gone. Almost six years since he was driven, almost six years since we parked him. I don't know why somethings hold such emotion for me, I've been able to put so many things away, in their place, control that aspect of emptiness/loneliness….so OK, why does this have to be so hard? I look back and remember the look on Tab's sweet sixteen party…I can still see the shock and awe on her beautiful face as she took in her first look at her first car, her first Jeep! I remember some months earlier teasing her about having either a "Beemer" or a Jeep…She laughed, "yeah dad…like you would even get me a car, you already told us that you couldn't afford it, and I'm not asking…but I'm a Jeep person…Its a jeep thing ya know!"? I can still hear her voice…God how much I miss her, hearing her voice…and her laugh…what a wonderful laugh she had…so full of joy and happiness. While I recall the name she gave her first Jeep was Kirbi, I asked her why a male name, She responded with ""I" only drive male vehicles! And he said his name is Kirbi". She was hooked on Jeeps alright and she looked great in them! Kirbi lost his self in a snowdrift across Quincy St. on a patch of Black Ice, 11:47pm. December 25 1999. Kirbi had done a wonderful job of protecting Tab and her two friends that night…while Kirbi lost his life, he kept them safe and alive…and for that I'm forever grateful to him. After I collected the Insurance money I paid off the loan I took out for Kirbi, and had just enough left over to buy…"Rusty". I took a few parts from Kirbi and put them on "Rusty", it seemed to me that there would be some continuation or something…some kind of connection….It only seemed right especially after Kirbi had done such a good job of keeping her safe. I remember Tab was so upset! She came home to see him sitting in the driveway… "DAD! Surely you don't expect me to drive that thing! It's a Piece!…" She actually had tears in her eyes…."As I said sweetness, the first ticket you get or the first accident you loose the car"…I look back and grieve that I didn't get her another newer one. Just to see her smile one more time…just to see her running up to me, jump into my arms knocking me backwards and tell me how much she loves me… And she was right. "Rusty" had a bit of rust, a tear or....four in the seats...some faded paint, the gas gage (which was the butt of so many jokes and foibles its not funny), and not the fastest moter in the lot! BUT "Rusty" was hers! I know I did what I thought was right, what was fair. I know it was…but why do I feel so guilty? God, please tell Tabs I love her and how much I miss her…Tell her I wish I would have gotten her a better Jeep, and tell her I also know that she would want me to know that "Rusty" was just fine, I don't need to feel that way… Just hug her for me God… I think back and recall how disappointed I was with her when she said that. It hurt a bit to have to do it, but I had to go and be the strict daddy… Then I remember the next day when she came home from school, she sat in my lap and hugged me, telling me how sorry she was for acting that way. "Rusty" is fine. At least I have something to drive".
She hugged me, got up, took off to visit her "girls" and go get a "fu fu la la drink". I was so proud!!!! Sweetness…how could I have ever been disappointed in anything you did… "Rusty"…"Rusty"…."Rusty"… I used to sit in him to smell Tabitha… It was so cold when she left us, her power blue knit cam and mittens were still on the seat…her school books, school papers scattered Hodge Podge…You could always catch her scent in "Rusty". We moved him to Christy's shop to keep him safe, all bundled up and cozy. I refused to let go of him, even though we has so many offers from people wanting to purchase him. I still am amazed that some of her friends wanted me to donate him to the school art department so they could make some kind of project out of it. I couldn't do it. It seemed that I would be letting another part of her go, let it slip through my fingers, loose another part of her…. Tab loved that Jeep with a passion…well…a "love hate" relationship anyway….man it brings such a smile to recall her calling saying "dad "Rusty died on me again,,,he's not being very cooperative today....can you come and get me"? And she had run outta gas (his gas gage was not exactly accurate!), or his battery was dead….lol… such fun memories… "Dad, "Rusty" being a brat"….and Tab and her "girls" riding in "Rusty", top off, doors off and crusing the beach…" "Well we gotta go check out thehotties…see if any hunks are there ya know"! It was like a bond existed with her and "Rusty". She talked about him like he was a real male…lol.. I recall her joking about him being the "typical male…only wanting to work when it suited him…and… "ya feed him and he goes…ya stop giving him what he wants and he just up and dies on ya!"….man o man… I sat in "Rusty" one last time today… I could still hear her and her girls….all talking at once…all laughing…I could still catch a faint scent of Tabitha…my sweetness… My heart breaks a little bit more, but I know I cannot hang onto it… I can't. "Rusty" should bring someone else some joy, so we said good-by. Christy and I stood and hugged for the longest time, both of us unable to let go of each other for a time, neither of us unwilling to let the other go. We wept with the loss of Tab all over again, we wept with the loss of another piece of who she was to this world. We will forever be grateful to God for protecting her in Kirbi, we will forever be grateful for "Rusty" bringing her such joy and pleasure. I look at the empty place where "Rusty" sat for many years now… I feel hollow…Soon it'll fill up with parts, bunks of wood or stuff from the shop…. But "Rusty" my man….you will forever and always be a part of me, I hope you are as much a part of your new family and you have been to us….as loved as you have been. | | |
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